Comment-seeking

[xuenay]

I'm trying to hone my fiction writing as well as hopefully create a longer story. I realize that it's possibly too short to meaningfully comment on, but I'd like to ask for some feedback on the brief scene I posted yesterday. More specifically, there are two things I'd like to ask:

1) How did you find the length of the "Veiran trying to get away from a high place" part? Was it about right, or should I have made the tension last longer? (Did you feel there was any tension in the first place?)

2) Did the scene make you interested in the characters? Suppose you were at a bookstore looking for something to buy and this was the first page of a book you happened to grab and look at. Would you turn the page to read more, put down the book and move on to the next one, or buy the thing?

Don't be kind, don't be mean - be honest. Thanks!

EDIT at 15:31 West Coast Time (GMT -7): I edited the original based on feedback from alicorn24 and alekseiriikonen, so if you're commenting, make sure you've read the most recent version!

Comments

[armanihq.livejournal.com]

I read through the whole thing. That says a lot about its ability to entertain! :D

Since the language used isn't something I'm good enough at to start nitpicking textual expression, I won't do that. (I think that sentence alone shows my lack of expertise. ^^')

If at least one of the boys is gay, hooray! Yes, I'm THAT lame.

Oh, yeah, you asked something..the lenght is good, I'd say. There's no such thing as a fully done script, but this is done enough. I wouldn't buy it, but I don't buy any books. I would request that the library would buy it for me to read, though.

[xuenay.livejournal.com]

Thanks!