Jul. 26th, 2017

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So, I haven't talked about this in public before because I wanted to wait and make sure that the changes would last, but...

I believe that I recently managed to find and fix what was the root problem of all of the depression and anxiety that I've had for the last 20+ years.

Concrete changes that this had led to over the last five weeks include:

* My experience of work has gone from "literally soul-crushing" to moderately enjoyable; my bank account balance looks better than it has done in years, and I'm for the first time confident in my ability to actually hold a job
* The pervasive sense of meaningless and pointlessness is gone
* My sexuality has changed: some paraphilias that used to be at the core of my sexuality have become more of a mild extra spice; many fantasies that were obsessive to the point of bothersome have completely lost their emotional appeal
* I'm feeling increasingly free to think about anything: there's no longer any secret fear of hitting upon a thought that would suddenly make me feel feel guilty or ashamed
* I'm increasingly shifting towards not intrinsically caring about what others think of me, and being fine with people disliking me (though of course I still see the practical value of being liked)

among other things. The link talks about all of this in more detail (my WordPress crossposting plugin hasn't worked for a while for some reason, and the post is too long for me to bother cross-posting it here manually, so you'll just have to read it at the original source).

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